Every Nigerian living abroad knows the sound. It’s the ping of a WhatsApp message that lands just before your payday. It might be a gentle greeting from Mama, a casual “how far?” from a cousin, or a direct request for funds for an urgent family matter.
We call it many things—family support, responsibility, or the now-famous term, ‘black tax’. It is the unspoken financial commitment that comes with being the one who “made it” abroad. It is a pillar of our communal culture, a way we show love and uplift those we left back home. But omo, if you don’t plan for it, this pillar of love can quickly become a heavy financial burden that jeopardises your own future.
The question then is, how do you balance the immediate needs of your family in Nigeria with your own long-term goals of saving and investing for your future? It requires more than just good intentions; it requires a smart, disciplined budget. Here is a practical guide to get it right.
1. Start with the honest conversation
Before you can budget a single Naira, you must manage expectations. Money matters are often shrouded in silence in our culture, but that silence is expensive. You need to have an open conversation with your primary dependents back home.
This is not a confrontation. It is a discussion about reality. Help them understand that your income abroad is not infinite and is tied to heavy taxes and high living costs. Together, differentiate between genuine needs (school fees, medicine, rent, food) and wants (new phone, contribution for a distant relative’s party). This single step can reduce a significant amount of financial pressure.
2. Know your numbers: The ‘abroad’ and ‘home’ budget
A budget is simply telling your money where to go. First, map out your own non-negotiable expenses where you live—rent, utilities, transport, insurance, and groceries. After this, you will see what is realistically available for everything else.
Simultaneously, work with your family to create a simple monthly budget for their essential needs. How much is the actual cost for food? What is the NEPA bill? How much for Papa’s medication? Getting specific figures turns a vague, emotional request for “upkeep” into a predictable financial line item.
3. Create the ‘Family First’ fund and automate it
Once you have an agreed-upon amount for monthly support, treat it like your rent or car note. It is a fixed expense. The smartest way to handle this is to automate the transfer.
Set up a recurring payment through a modern remittance app for the same day each month, perhaps a day or two after you get paid. Automating it does two things: it ensures your family receives the money consistently and on time, and it removes the emotion and guilt from the decision-making process each month. The money is sent before you can even think of spending it elsewhere.
4. Pay yourself second: Your savings are non-negotiable
Here is the most critical step for your own survival. Immediately after your ‘Family First’ fund is taken care of, your very next financial move must be to pay yourself. This means transferring a predetermined amount into your savings or investment account.
This is not selfish; it is strategic. Your financial stability is the greatest asset you can offer your family in the long run. An emergency fund, a retirement plan, or savings for a down payment on a property back home—these are what will secure your future and, by extension, prevent you from becoming dependent yourself one day.
5. Build the ‘Aso Ebi’ and emergency fund
In Nigeria, the unexpected is always expected. There will be weddings requiring Aso Ebi, urgent medical bills, a funeral for a community elder, or the immense pressure to perform during a “detty December” visit.
A standard emergency fund is not enough. You need a separate, dedicated fund for these one-off cultural and family obligations. By putting a small amount of money into this pot every month, you can handle these requests without derailing your entire budget or dipping into your personal savings.
6. Learn the power of a graceful ‘no’
This is perhaps the hardest lesson. Once your structured support is in place, you must find the courage to say “no” to requests that fall outside the plan. You can be firm yet loving. Explain that you have a budget you must stick to for the long-term benefit of everyone, including them. It will be difficult at first, but setting these boundaries is essential for your financial health.
Ultimately, sending money home is an act of love. But true support is sustainable. By creating a clear, honest, and disciplined budget, you move from being a reactive source of funds to becoming a proactive architect of a better future—both for your family in Nigeria and for yourself.
